ÿþ<SAMI> <HEAD> <HEAD> <TITLE></TITLE> <STYLE TYPE="text/css"> <!-- P { margin-left:8pt; margin-right:8pt; margin-bottom:2pt; margin-top:2pt; text-align:center; font-size:20pt; font-family:arial, sans-serif; font-weight:normal; color:white; } .ENCC { Name:English; lang:en-US; SAMIType:CC;} #STDPrn { Name:Standard Print;} #LargePrn { Name:Large Print; font-size:25pt;} #SmallPrn { Name:Small Print; font-size:15pt;} --> </STYLE> </HEAD> <BODY> <SYNC Start=29244><P Class=ENCC> Hello, hello, thank you, <SYNC Start=34000><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=34244><P Class=ENCC> Now, there are lambs in the fields<br>and the bugs in the tree<br>and the spring in the air <SYNC Start=40816><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=40856><P Class=ENCC> The producers give each<br>L2,000 and told us we had to spend<br>the cars we'd bought down <SYNC Start=45144><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=45200><P Class=ENCC> on a convertible four seats car <SYNC Start=48500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=48600><P Class=ENCC> And they told us to get<br>the car who bought, down hear<br>on a Top Gear track <SYNC Start=53000><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=53184><P Class=ENCC> where we'd be given a number of challenges. <SYNC Start=56268><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=59308><P Class=ENCC> This is what I bought. <SYNC Start=61740><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=61780><P Class=ENCC> It's a 1987 BMW 325i convertible. <SYNC Start=66332><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=66372><P Class=ENCC> According to the mileometer it's<br>done 94,000 miles which means the one <SYNC Start=69704><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=69744><P Class=ENCC> thing you can be sure of is it<br>hasn't done 94,000 miles. <SYNC Start=74236><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=74276><P Class=ENCC> But on the face of it, pretty solid car. <SYNC Start=76740><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=76780><P Class=ENCC> Best of all, it only cost L1,600. <SYNC Start=80236><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=80276><P Class=ENCC> CAR HORN HONKS Oh! <SYNC Start=82924><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=82964><P Class=ENCC> Oh, no. <SYNC Start=85672><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=85712><P Class=ENCC> That's awkward. <SYNC Start=88988><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=89028><P Class=ENCC> That is a 3... Yes. <SYNC Start=91344><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=91384><P Class=ENCC> 32... Yeah. <SYNC Start=92500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=92540><P Class=ENCC> 325? Yes. <SYNC Start=93972><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=94012><P Class=ENCC> 325. Yes. <SYNC Start=96284><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=96324><P Class=ENCC> How old? <SYNC Start=97592><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=97632><P Class=ENCC> '87. '88. How much? 1,600. <SYNC Start=100548><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=100588><P Class=ENCC> 19,950! <SYNC Start=103004><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=103044><P Class=ENCC> How many miles? <SYNC Start=104816><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=104856><P Class=ENCC> 94, it says. And? <SYNC Start=106592><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=106632><P Class=ENCC> This "says" 137,000 miles. <SYNC Start=110108><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=110148><P Class=ENCC> I'm pretty pleased with this, at least they<br>didn't fit stupid after-market wheels on it unlike... <SYNC Start=114408><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=114448><P Class=ENCC> Mine. Yours comes from a good area,<br>I can tell. Anyone who's got these. <SYNC Start=118748><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=118788><P Class=ENCC> Extra locks. They don't live in<br>Bourton-on-the-Water, do they? <SYNC Start=122252><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=122292><P Class=ENCC> It's not a Cotswoldian feature, no. <SYNC Start=124500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=124540><P Class=ENCC> More St Pauls in Bristol, I'm thinking. Yeah. <SYNC Start=126784><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=126824><P Class=ENCC> This is, well, just superb. <SYNC Start=130064><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=130104><P Class=ENCC> So many different shades of black<br>on there, it's unbelievable. <SYNC Start=133124><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=133164><P Class=ENCC> He's taken care of his car. <SYNC Start=135564><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=135604><P Class=ENCC> Oh ho ho! There, you need that. <SYNC Start=138628><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=138668><P Class=ENCC> Was he delivering paving slabs one at a time?<br>No. <SYNC Start=141436><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=141476><P Class=ENCC> Why is that there?<br>Because it improves handling. <SYNC Start=144720><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=144760><P Class=ENCC> 'At this point, James arrived in his<br>four-seater convertible.' <SYNC Start=149124><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=149164><P Class=ENCC> Oh, dear. Oh! <SYNC Start=155000><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=155040><P Class=ENCC> Oh, God! I don't suppose by any<br>happy chance that's the 318, is it? <SYNC Start=159784><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=159824><P Class=ENCC> It's a 325, sir. Yours? <SYNC Start=162908><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=162948><P Class=ENCC> 325. Is it? Yes. <SYNC Start=165380><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=165420><P Class=ENCC> 325, yes. <SYNC Start=166908><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=166948><P Class=ENCC> What year is yours? 1989. <SYNC Start=169156><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=169196><P Class=ENCC> How much did you pay? L1,900. <SYNC Start=171124><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=171164><P Class=ENCC> Yours looks pretty standard. It is.-<br>Except for the rust obviously. <SYNC Start=175000><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=175040><P Class=ENCC> Mine's nice. <SYNC Start=176816><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=176856><P Class=ENCC> Don't do that! I've just fixed that. <SYNC Start=179380><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=179420><P Class=ENCC> I barely touched it! <SYNC Start=182456><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=182496><P Class=ENCC> 'So none of us had bought an Audi or a<br>Ford or a Merc and that looked like a cock-up. <SYNC Start=187408><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=187448><P Class=ENCC> 'But then I realised that actually,- it wasn't.' <SYNC Start=191028><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=191068><P Class=ENCC> I think this is brilliant. <SYNC Start=193064><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=193104><P Class=ENCC> Well, not really. We've got the same car. <SYNC Start=195408><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=195448><P Class=ENCC> We're always being asked,<br>people come up to us and say is a Golf <SYNC Start=198380><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=198420><P Class=ENCC> a good used purchase, or a Volvo or<br>whatever and we always say it depends. <SYNC Start=201720><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=201760><P Class=ENCC> So what we've got here are three cars, <SYNC Start=204252><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=204292><P Class=ENCC> they were made in the same factory by the same robots <SYNC Start=207388><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=207428><P Class=ENCC> at roughly the same time and they've all been driven<br>in the same- country by the same sort of people. <SYNC Start=211720><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=211760><P Class=ENCC> So they should be the same. Ah. <SYNC Start=214748><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=214788><P Class=ENCC> But I bet you, I bet you they aren't. <SYNC Start=218748><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=218788><P Class=ENCC> 'So we decided to bin the<br>challenges the producers had devised <SYNC Start=223312><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=223352><P Class=ENCC> 'and dream up some of our own.' <SYNC Start=226688><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=226728><P Class=ENCC> Where's Hammond? <SYNC Start=228436><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=228476><P Class=ENCC> Don't know, I think we've lost him already. <SYNC Start=230628><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=230668><P Class=ENCC> CAR IGNITION FAILING,<br>CAR ALARM SOUNDS <SYNC Start=234312><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=234352><P Class=ENCC> JEREMY AND JAMES LAUGH <SYNC Start=239908><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=239948><P Class=ENCC> No, listen, it's...<br>Let me hear that sound again. <SYNC Start=243096><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=243136><P Class=ENCC> CAR ALARM SOUNDS <SYNC Start=244972><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=245012><P Class=ENCC> Oh, dear. It keeps doing that. <SYNC Start=248380><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=248420><P Class=ENCC> JEREMY AND JAMES LAUGH <SYNC Start=251284><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=251324><P Class=ENCC> Stop doing that! <SYNC Start=254660><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=254700><P Class=ENCC> 'Hammond's cheap after-market alarm<br>matched his cheap after-market wheels.' <SYNC Start=259688><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=259728><P Class=ENCC> They leach into dry rot,<br>they leach into the system. <SYNC Start=262380><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=262420><P Class=ENCC> There's wires going everywhere.<br>Can't you just take it all off? <SYNC Start=265672><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=265712><P Class=ENCC> No. No, because otherwise you could've<br>stolen a car by just taking the alarm off. <SYNC Start=269564><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=269604><P Class=ENCC> They weren't that stupid in the '80s. <SYNC Start=271592><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=271632><P Class=ENCC> CAR ALARM SOUNDS That's got it. <SYNC Start=274716><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=274756><P Class=ENCC> 'Jeremy and I decided to abandon<br>Hammond and have a race. <SYNC Start=277968><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=278008><P Class=ENCC> 'From nought to 100 and then<br>back to nought again, <SYNC Start=281612><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=281652><P Class=ENCC> 'so that we could test our cars'<br>power and brakes.' <SYNC Start=285436><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=285476><P Class=ENCC> Here are the vital statistics.<br>2.5 litre straight-six, 170hp, <SYNC Start=289844><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=289884><P Class=ENCC> at least when it was new,<br>it may have lost a few. <SYNC Start=292188><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=292228><P Class=ENCC> Jeremy has a 2.5 litre<br>straight-six with 170 horsepower, <SYNC Start=296436><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=296476><P Class=ENCC> or at least when it was new,<br>he may have lost a few since then. <SYNC Start=299156><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=299196><P Class=ENCC> The difference, he's got a<br>big slab of concrete in the boot. <SYNC Start=305156><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=305196><P Class=ENCC> It's not the paving stone in<br>the back I'm worried about, <SYNC Start=307592><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=307632><P Class=ENCC> it's the automatic gearbox. <SYNC Start=309828><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=309868><P Class=ENCC> Doing a drag race with an auto is like doing a<br>100 metre sprint in wellies. Full of tadpoles. <SYNC Start=320716><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=320756><P Class=ENCC> Yes! <SYNC Start=324156><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=324196><P Class=ENCC> Bit of steering wheel wobble coming in. <SYNC Start=327532><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=327572><P Class=ENCC> No concrete is the answer. <SYNC Start=331188><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=331228><P Class=ENCC> There we go, nought to 60,<br>that was about 25 seconds. <SYNC Start=336124><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=336164><P Class=ENCC> RICHARD'S CAR ALARM SOUNDS,<br>FAILS TO START <SYNC Start=345096><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=345136><P Class=ENCC> 90! <SYNC Start=349436><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=349476><P Class=ENCC> Must be able to do 100. <SYNC Start=355028><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=355068><P Class=ENCC> And there it is. <SYNC Start=357500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=357540><P Class=ENCC> There it is. <SYNC Start=360028><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=360068><P Class=ENCC> No brakes, no brakes. <SYNC Start=363592><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=363632><P Class=ENCC> It's just not stopping. <SYNC Start=366280><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=366320><P Class=ENCC> Please, stop! <SYNC Start=370688><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=370728><P Class=ENCC> 'The gap between our supposedly<br>identical BMWs was staggering.' <SYNC Start=376124><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=376164><P Class=ENCC> 77, 78, 79, 80, 81. <SYNC Start=380564><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=380604><P Class=ENCC> 281 yards. <SYNC Start=384252><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=384292><P Class=ENCC> There is another conclusion we can<br>draw from this. Which is what? <SYNC Start=386940><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=386980><P Class=ENCC> That as you'd expect,<br>I've done this properly and I've <SYNC Start=389688><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=389728><P Class=ENCC> proved myself to be better than<br>you at buying second-hand BMWs. <SYNC Start=393156><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=393196><P Class=ENCC> Well, your brakes are better. <SYNC Start=395908><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=395948><P Class=ENCC> And my engine's better and my gearbox is better. <SYNC Start=398812><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=398852><P Class=ENCC> Speed isn't everything. <SYNC Start=400716><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=400756><P Class=ENCC> Is it not? <SYNC Start=402716><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=402756><P Class=ENCC> RICHARD'S CAR ALARM CONTINUES TO SOUND <SYNC Start=405780><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=405820><P Class=ENCC> After the race, we got<br>Hammond's car going again. <SYNC Start=411156><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=411196><P Class=ENCC> And went to a Waking The<br>Dead-style- forensics lab <SYNC Start=414204><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=414244><P Class=ENCC> to find out in great detail what<br>sort of life our cars had had. <SYNC Start=419968><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=420008><P Class=ENCC> You know the company<br>we're using to do this... Mm-hm. <SYNC Start=424124><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=424164><P Class=ENCC> ..Are called Manlove Forensics. <SYNC Start=427096><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=427136><P Class=ENCC> Are they? They are. No, they are. <SYNC Start=429188><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=429228><P Class=ENCC> Why are they called that? <SYNC Start=430844><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=430884><P Class=ENCC> Yeah, the boss is called John Manlove. <SYNC Start=433532><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=433572><P Class=ENCC> Oh. Not many fond school-day<br>memories for him, I bet. <SYNC Start=436984><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=437024><P Class=ENCC> They've actually already discovered- that your car<br>used to belong to a Muslim man from Birmingham. <SYNC Start=441764><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=441804><P Class=ENCC> What, they can tell that just<br>from swabbing the seats? <SYNC Start=445780><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=445820><P Class=ENCC> No, they found this letter in the footwell. <SYNC Start=450044><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=450084><P Class=ENCC> Oh, yes. Addresses to Jamir Masjid,<br>it's from a mosque in Birmingham. <SYNC Start=454892><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=454932><P Class=ENCC> They're good, they are good. They're good. <SYNC Start=457624><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=457664><P Class=ENCC> 'But the test they were doing went far<br>beyond looking for old envelopes.' <SYNC Start=462140><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=462180><P Class=ENCC> Do you know what I'm most worried<br>they'll find in my car? <SYNC Start=465108><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=465148><P Class=ENCC> What? Gentlemen's relish. <SYNC Start=467860><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=467900><P Class=ENCC> I quite like gentlemen's relish. <SYNC Start=470328><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=470368><P Class=ENCC> Oh, you don't mean the stuff from the jar. <SYNC Start=474188><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=474228><P Class=ENCC> 'After many hours, the boss<br>came over with the results.' <SYNC Start=478452><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=478492><P Class=ENCC> Hi, I'm John Manlove. Can we stick to John? <SYNC Start=480920><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=480960><P Class=ENCC> Otherwise we're just going to get giggles. <SYNC Start=483608><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=483648><P Class=ENCC> This vehicle here. This is mine. <SYNC Start=485592><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=485632><P Class=ENCC> This had crisp fragments in it. Crisps is<br>fine, nobody's worried about that. <SYNC Start=489764><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=489804><P Class=ENCC> There was a little bit of vegetation. Leaves? <SYNC Start=493172><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=493212><P Class=ENCC> Bits-and-pieces such as that<br>and some flakes of skin. <SYNC Start=496356><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=496396><P Class=ENCC> There'll be mine. <SYNC Start=498188><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=498228><P Class=ENCC> So that's not too bad then.<br>No, not too bad, fairly standard. <SYNC Start=501232><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=501272><P Class=ENCC> Let's move on, James's car. <SYNC Start=503548><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=503588><P Class=ENCC> Lots of skin in this one. <SYNC Start=505812><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=505852><P Class=ENCC> Including some nice, large flakes of<br>yellowish skin with some blood staining on. <SYNC Start=509984><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=510024><P Class=ENCC> A scab! Somebody's picked a scab in your car. <SYNC Start=512172><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=512212><P Class=ENCC> Full of scabs. Go on. Seriously? <SYNC Start=515140><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=515180><P Class=ENCC> Anything else worth note?<br>Quite a lot of nasal mucus. <SYNC Start=519420><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=519460><P Class=ENCC> That's bogies, he's talking about bogies. <SYNC Start=521608><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=521648><P Class=ENCC> Were they smeared on the<br>seat or the sun visor? <SYNC Start=523828><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=523868><P Class=ENCC> Little balls in the footwell. <SYNC Start=525796><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=525836><P Class=ENCC> Shall I just finish James's car? <SYNC Start=527468><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=527508><P Class=ENCC> Was there more? The last one was<br>that the steering wheel was stained <SYNC Start=530016><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=530056><P Class=ENCC> with a chemical that can be present-<br>in high quantities in saliva. <SYNC Start=535028><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=535068><P Class=ENCC> Gob. So basically if you're talking and<br>driving, that's what you may well expect. <SYNC Start=539872><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=539912><P Class=ENCC> So Roy Hattersley owned it? Picked his<br>scabs off, spat all over your steering wheel <SYNC Start=543436><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=543476><P Class=ENCC> and dropped bogies in large<br>quantities in your footwell. <SYNC Start=546608><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=546648><P Class=ENCC> I don't even want to look at your car now! <SYNC Start=549948><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=549988><P Class=ENCC> But then Mr Manlove came to Hammond's car. <SYNC Start=553376><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=553416><P Class=ENCC> First of all, there was some black sports type-tape<br>with what turned out to be blood staining on it. <SYNC Start=558888><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=558928><P Class=ENCC> Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sports tape with<br>blood on the end of it? <SYNC Start=562308><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=562348><P Class=ENCC> Somebody's been bound.<br>And murdered. <SYNC Start=564796><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=564836><P Class=ENCC> Again the steering wheel had what<br>appeared to be saliva staining on it. <SYNC Start=568188><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=568228><P Class=ENCC> And lastly, we had pubic hairs and faeces present. <SYNC Start=575736><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=575776><P Class=ENCC> I'm sorry, did you say the word "faeces"?<br>What certainly appeared to be faecal matter, yes. <SYNC Start=581280><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=581320><P Class=ENCC> That's poo, isn't it? <SYNC Start=582588><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=582628><P Class=ENCC> That's poo. Your car's got poo in it. <SYNC Start=585220><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=585260><P Class=ENCC> Is that normal? <SYNC Start=587920><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=587960><P Class=ENCC> It's like driving around in a Moroccan prison,<br>isn't it, really? In the front of his car. <SYNC Start=592468><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=592508><P Class=ENCC> 'After the forensic tests, my<br>colleagues were very distressed.' <SYNC Start=600500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=600540><P Class=ENCC> Oh, God. <SYNC Start=603636><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=603676><P Class=ENCC> So we decided to pull over and see<br>which of our cars- was the most thief-proof. <SYNC Start=607860><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=607900><P Class=ENCC> This meant finding some thieves who<br>insisted that we pixelate their faces. <SYNC Start=613736><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=613776><P Class=ENCC> Unfortunately the pixelating was done<br>by a man who'd just had his car nicked. <SYNC Start=620656><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=620696><P Class=ENCC> Our thieves with the pixelated... <SYNC Start=623092><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=623132><P Class=ENCC> chests will now see how quickly they<br>can break into- the cars and drive them away. <SYNC Start=629124><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=629164><P Class=ENCC> Are you ready, chaps? Here we go. <SYNC Start=631656><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=631696><P Class=ENCC> Three, two, one, go! <SYNC Start=636356><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=636396><P Class=ENCC> 'I felt sure at this point that thanks to<br>the double locks and the immobiliser, <SYNC Start=640436><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=640476><P Class=ENCC> 'my car would finally start to come good.' <SYNC Start=643636><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=643676><P Class=ENCC> I think you'll find they'll take a while getting in. <SYNC Start=646684><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=646724><P Class=ENCC> He's into mine. Oh, he's into yours! <SYNC Start=649828><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=649868><P Class=ENCC> Yeah, but even though... OK, he's in,<br>but I think you'll find... <SYNC Start=656188><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=656228><P Class=ENCC> HE STARTS CAR,CAR ALARM SOUNDS <SYNC Start=660580><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=660620><P Class=ENCC> That's ridiculous! That was honestly, <SYNC Start=663888><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=663928><P Class=ENCC> that was just no time. <SYNC Start=666904><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=666944><P Class=ENCC> Your car is now on a cross-Channel<br>ferry on its way to Uzbekistan. <SYNC Start=675656><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=675696><P Class=ENCC> It really is quite tense now.<br>Come on, Jeremy's thief. <SYNC Start=678544><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=678584><P Class=ENCC> Come on, James's thief. <SYNC Start=680200><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=680240><P Class=ENCC> Come on, Jeremy's thief. <SYNC Start=682656><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=682696><P Class=ENCC> However after 20 minutes, both our<br>cars were still where we'd left them. <SYNC Start=686888><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=686928><P Class=ENCC> So we decided to call it a draw. <SYNC Start=691624><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=691664><P Class=ENCC> Unsurprisingly, the thief decided to<br>return my car which meant he could <SYNC Start=695432><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=695472><P Class=ENCC> explain the reason it was so<br>easy-to-steal is the ignition barrel is all <SYNC Start=699528><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=699568><P Class=ENCC> worn smooth inside so you could start it with<br>the handle of a teaspoon or a lollipop stick. <SYNC Start=706764><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=706804><P Class=ENCC> I think it has done more than 94,000 miles. <SYNC Start=711340><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=711380><P Class=ENCC> So far then we'd proved that our identical<br>cars were in fact completely different. <SYNC Start=716780><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=716820><P Class=ENCC> And that Hammond's was full of<br>someone else's pubic hair. <SYNC Start=716828><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=716868><P Class=ENCC> APPLAUSE <SYNC Start=719964><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=720004><P Class=ENCC> And that Hammond's was full of<br>someone else's pubic hair. <SYNC Start=721452><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=721492><P Class=ENCC> APPLAUSE <SYNC Start=725764><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=725804><P Class=ENCC> I've washed my hands,<br>I've washed my hands. <SYNC Start=728700><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=728740><P Class=ENCC> I mean, honestly... Not nice. <SYNC Start=732580><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=732620><P Class=ENCC> Just knowing that. Isn't it extraordinary when <SYNC Start=735308><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=735348><P Class=ENCC> you buy a used car, you'll do checks-to<br>make sure the gearbox is working, <SYNC Start=739780><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=739820><P Class=ENCC> the differential isn't all brokenbut you don't do<br>anything to check the state of the interior. <SYNC Start=744716><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=744756><P Class=ENCC> It's really weird because I could cope if I<br>thought a car had missed a service or two <SYNC Start=748916><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=748956><P Class=ENCC> or something like that but once I found out that one<br>was full of nasal mucus, I'd have walked away. <SYNC Start=756220><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=756260><P Class=ENCC> Has anyone here bought a used car recently? <SYNC Start=759792><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=759832><P Class=ENCC> Nobody's bought a used car? <SYNC Start=762636><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=762676><P Class=ENCC> So you bought a used car? <SYNC Start=764168><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=764208><P Class=ENCC> Yes. And did you check it out for... <SYNC Start=766868><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=766908><P Class=ENCC> Scabs? Scabs? Blood? No. Faeces?<br>Nothing, no. <SYNC Start=771636><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=771676><P Class=ENCC> You're from Liverpool? Liverpool. <SYNC Start=773792><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=773832><P Class=ENCC> I said bought, anyone here bought! <SYNC Start=777296><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=777336><P Class=ENCC> Oh, here we go again! You have? <SYNC Start=780184><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=780224><P Class=ENCC> Did you check out if it's got any<br>finance owing on it? <SYNC Start=783028><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=783068><P Class=ENCC> Finance. You did finance, you did<br>checks on the mechanical components? <SYNC Start=785936><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=785976><P Class=ENCC> I did. Did you see if there were anybody else's<br>bottom mushrooms growing in the carpet? <SYNC Start=790544><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=790584><P Class=ENCC> No. You didn't. I'm very surprised,- I'm really quite<br>surprised. Anyway we're going to pick it up later on. <SYNC Start=795200><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=795240><P Class=ENCC> Now we ought to do the news. <SYNC Start=797308><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=797348><P Class=ENCC> Can I just talk about speed<br>cameras, does anybody mind? <SYNC Start=799716><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=799756><P Class=ENCC> You know Oxfordshire Council<br>announced recently, last year, <SYNC Start=802404><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=802444><P Class=ENCC> it would turn all the speed cameras-<br>off and when they said that, <SYNC Start=804780><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=804820><P Class=ENCC> all the road safety groups<br>were running around saying <SYNC Start=806812><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=806852><P Class=ENCC> everybody will be dead in<br>ten minutes as a result of this. <SYNC Start=810452><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=810492><P Class=ENCC> Well, six months have now elapsed and the<br>road safety groups are saying they don't know <SYNC Start=814996><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=815036><P Class=ENCC> what effect the switch-off has had<br>on accident figures. <SYNC Start=817964><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=818004><P Class=ENCC> How can they not know?<br>They say they're not in yet. <SYNC Start=822248><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=822288><P Class=ENCC> But I always know pretty much<br>immediately when I've had an accident. <SYNC Start=825936><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=825976><P Class=ENCC> There are clues, big noise,<br>sudden stop, that sort of thing. <SYNC Start=829868><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=829908><P Class=ENCC> The thing is they may not know but<br>I do because I've done some digging. <SYNC Start=832340><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=832380><P Class=ENCC> In a three-month period in 2009,<br>when the cameras were on, <SYNC Start=834748><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=834788><P Class=ENCC> there were 35 accidents at speed camera sites. <SYNC Start=838228><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=838268><P Class=ENCC> In the same three-month period when<br>the cameras were switched off <SYNC Start=841636><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=841676><P Class=ENCC> in 2010, there were 35 accidents<br>at speed camera sites. <SYNC Start=845528><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=845568><P Class=ENCC> No difference. No difference at all. <SYNC Start=848716><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=848756><P Class=ENCC> What about fatalities? Fatalities, there were none<br>with the cameras on and none with the cameras off. <SYNC Start=854432><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=854472><P Class=ENCC> Really? What's interesting about this is that you'd<br>think this made no difference and saved the council <SYNC Start=860028><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=860068><P Class=ENCC> a fortune by getting rid of the speed cameras.<br>They're now saying the police are going to take over <SYNC Start=864308><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=864348><P Class=ENCC> running them and turn them back on again in April.<br>I thought they said- they couldn't afford to run them? <SYNC Start=869824><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=869864><P Class=ENCC> No, the police are doing it. <SYNC Start=872620><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=872660><P Class=ENCC> But this is very good news because that must mean<br>they've solved all the other crimes. What, the police? <SYNC Start=878124><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=878164><P Class=ENCC> Actually, they haven't solved them all but they have<br>caught that bloke- who nicked the lead off my roof. <SYNC Start=884108><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=884148><P Class=ENCC> You had lead stolen from your roof? <SYNC Start=886888><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=886928><P Class=ENCC> All of it. Only you would be the<br>victim of a crime from the 1950s. <SYNC Start=893636><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=893676><P Class=ENCC> Was the villain chased by a black and white<br>policeman blowing a whistle by any chance? <SYNC Start=897712><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=897752><P Class=ENCC> Yes. Was he driving a Ford Zephyr? <SYNC Start=900684><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=900724><P Class=ENCC> The thing is I live in Oxfordshire and I was burgled<br>recently and they haven't caught her yet. Her? <SYNC Start=906888><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=906928><P Class=ENCC> I'm not sexist. Nice touch. Good work. <SYNC Start=911780><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=911820><P Class=ENCC> See? We're not. <SYNC Start=914684><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=914724><P Class=ENCC> You might have seen in the news Formula One<br>driver Robert Kubicainjured horribly in a rally crash. <SYNC Start=920228><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=920268><P Class=ENCC> He probably won't be watching but<br>his family in Poland might be <SYNC Start=923748><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=923788><P Class=ENCC> and we did want to say we wish youall the very best,<br>hope you recoversoon and get back behind the wheel. <SYNC Start=927200><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=927240><P Class=ENCC> Yes, he's a terrific driver,<br>really is, Robert, and I'm <SYNC Start=929636><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=929676><P Class=ENCC> sure everybody here will join in wishing<br>him a very speedy recovery. <SYNC Start=933184><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=933224><P Class=ENCC> Yeah, we do. Get well soon. <SYNC Start=935372><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=935412><P Class=ENCC> APPLAUSE <SYNC Start=941544><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=941584><P Class=ENCC> I'd like, if you don't mind,<br>to talk about magpies. <SYNC Start=943936><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=943976><P Class=ENCC> It's a car show, Jeremy. <SYNC Start=945916><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=945956><P Class=ENCC> Bear with me, because there's an<br>organisation called the Songbird Survival Trust. <SYNC Start=951260><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=951300><P Class=ENCC> They're calling for a cull on magpies. <SYNC Start=953792><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=953832><P Class=ENCC> They're not calling it a cull, they're<br>saying they want to do an experiment. <SYNC Start=956916><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=956956><P Class=ENCC> Is it an experiment to see what happens<br>to a magpie if you fire a shotgun at it? <SYNC Start=960712><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=960752><P Class=ENCC> Yes, it is, basically. <SYNC Start=962528><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=962568><P Class=ENCC> I agree with them on this but for different reasons.<br>They say if you get rid of magpies then we'll <SYNC Start=965652><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=965692><P Class=ENCC> have more songbirds because magpies- eat songbirds<br>but there's a better reason than that I can think of. <SYNC Start=970652><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=970692><P Class=ENCC> Magpies are a menace to road safety. <SYNC Start=974276><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=974316><P Class=ENCC> They look like they'd be bad don't they?<br>Stupid idiot, listen, drivers,- I'm not a superstitious man. <SYNC Start=979388><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=979428><P Class=ENCC> I can walk under a ladder,<br>put my head in a lion's mouth. <SYNC Start=982948><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=982988><P Class=ENCC> That's not a superstition, you idiot,<br>it's a bad idea. <SYNC Start=985980><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=986020><P Class=ENCC> I can put a hat on my new shoes, all<br>those things but I do salute magpies. OK? <SYNC Start=990196><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=990236><P Class=ENCC> The problem is because the magpie is<br>the only bird in Britain these days, <SYNC Start=993888><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=993928><P Class=ENCC> you're just driving along doing<br>this the whole time. <SYNC Start=997308><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=997348><P Class=ENCC> No, you don't just salute, if yousee a single magpie,<br>one on its own,-you have to say "morning, captain" <SYNC Start=1001964><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1002004><P Class=ENCC> three times. Morning, captain,morning, captain,<br>morning, captain, salute three times, spit three times, <SYNC Start=1006700><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1006740><P Class=ENCC> touch your right elbow with your left hand,<br>one, two, three times <SYNC Start=1009996><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1010036><P Class=ENCC> and then lick your thumb and make a cross<br>in the top right-hand corner of the windscreen. <SYNC Start=1012900><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1012940><P Class=ENCC> You don't have to do that. You do. Do you do<br>that when you see a magpie? Every single time. <SYNC Start=1017168><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1017208><P Class=ENCC> It's quite a faff and it's difficult on the bike<br>but I do it. Morning, captain... <SYNC Start=1021228><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1021268><P Class=ENCC> one, two, three, and then you carry on. <SYNC Start=1025792><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1025832><P Class=ENCC> You've both got that completely wrong<br>because what you're supposed to do, <SYNC Start=1029652><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1029692><P Class=ENCC> it's only the first magpie of the day and<br>you salute and say "morning, Mr Magpie", <SYNC Start=1033636><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1033676><P Class=ENCC> and you don't do it in the afternoon<br>because that's bad luck <SYNC Start=1036140><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1036180><P Class=ENCC> and you don't do the second one... <SYNC Start=1037432><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1037472><P Class=ENCC> Rubbish! How do you know it's the first magpie<br>of the day? You don't join the Village People. <SYNC Start=1043088><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1043128><P Class=ENCC> Is anyone here Jewish? <SYNC Start=1045296><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1045336><P Class=ENCC> Yep. You are, where's Jewish, hands up? <SYNC Start=1047668><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1047708><P Class=ENCC> You are? Do you know what we're talking about? <SYNC Start=1049916><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1049956><P Class=ENCC> Yeah, Newcastle. No, no, no. <SYNC Start=1054044><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1054084><P Class=ENCC> It's not Newcastle, I know where<br>you're going with that. <SYNC Start=1057480><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1057520><P Class=ENCC> It's just that our studio director's Jewish<br>and has no idea what we're <SYNC Start=1060140><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1060180><P Class=ENCC> talking about because he said,<br>perhaps Jews don't do it. <SYNC Start=1062760><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1062800><P Class=ENCC> Is anyone else Jewish who has no clue? <SYNC Start=1065140><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1065180><P Class=ENCC> You're Jewish, and do you salute magpies?<br>No, but we know about it. <SYNC Start=1068700><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1068740><P Class=ENCC> You know about it but you don't do it?<br>Interesting. <SYNC Start=1071540><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1071580><P Class=ENCC> So it could be a religious thing.<br>I don't know. <SYNC Start=1073732><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1073772><P Class=ENCC> Do Jewish people have more road accidents<br>as a result of magpies? No, fewer. <SYNC Start=1077432><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1077472><P Class=ENCC> Jewish people will have fewer road accidents<br>because they're not spending all day long doing this. <SYNC Start=1082824><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1082864><P Class=ENCC> Anyway, look. To cut to the point here, <SYNC Start=1085448><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1085488><P Class=ENCC> whether you do my simple salute which<br>is correct, or his full Morris dance... <SYNC Start=1090588><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1090628><P Class=ENCC> Can't be too careful. <SYNC Start=1091980><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1092020><P Class=ENCC> We need to stop it because<br>the advantages are huge <SYNC Start=1094744><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1094784><P Class=ENCC> because if you get rid of magpies, you have<br>more songbirds so the air sounds nicer. <SYNC Start=1099856><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1099896><P Class=ENCC> You've got tits and... Why did I say tits? <SYNC Start=1102700><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1102740><P Class=ENCC> Sparrows and all that sort of<br>thing and that'd be brilliant <SYNC Start=1106260><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1106300><P Class=ENCC> plus we don't have to do that<br>and that'll make the roads safer. <SYNC Start=1108964><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1109004><P Class=ENCC> There we are, Top Gear Top Tip,<br>kill all magpies and kill them now. <SYNC Start=1116732><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1116772><P Class=ENCC> Who told you about the eyes and ears and nose<br>and chin? I've accumulated them over the years. <SYNC Start=1121308><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1121348><P Class=ENCC> For God's sake, nobody tell me any more<br>that I have to do or I'll add them to my routine. <SYNC Start=1124980><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1125020><P Class=ENCC> What you have to do... No!<br>Take your trousers down, <SYNC Start=1127788><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1127828><P Class=ENCC> look at somebody in the next car, preferably<br>a van driver, and go... That's a tradition. <SYNC Start=1134432><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1134472><P Class=ENCC> Hey, listen, listen. <SYNC Start=1136420><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1136460><P Class=ENCC> There's a new lightweight Lamborghini<br>Gallardo Spyder has come along. Here it is. <SYNC Start=1142292><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1142332><P Class=ENCC> It's called the Performante.<br>That's- going to cost you a hundred and... <SYNC Start=1145700><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1145740><P Class=ENCC> I can't read that. What's that say? <SYNC Start=1147916><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1147956><P Class=ENCC> You poor, knackered old goat. <SYNC Start=1150900><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1150940><P Class=ENCC> L188,000. L188,000. <SYNC Start=1153712><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1153752><P Class=ENCC> Top speed I do know. 201 mph. Is that possibly<br>the best-looking car in production right now? <SYNC Start=1160464><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1160504><P Class=ENCC> It is a fantastic-looking car. <SYNC Start=1162556><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1162596><P Class=ENCC> The problem is it's getting quite old and compared<br>to the Ferrari 458, it just feels old fashioned. <SYNC Start=1168448><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1168488><P Class=ENCC> The thing is, this isn't just a<br>duel now between the Italians, <SYNC Start=1171196><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1171236><P Class=ENCC> because the British have moved<br>in with a new McLaren. <SYNC Start=1174044><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1174084><P Class=ENCC> Yes, it's called the MP4-12C. <SYNC Start=1179060><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1179100><P Class=ENCC> We've got it here in the studio and- this is the first<br>time we've been able to have a proper look at it. <SYNC Start=1184044><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1184084><P Class=ENCC> It has McLaren's own engine,<br>a 3.8 litre twin-turbo V8. <SYNC Start=1189196><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1189236><P Class=ENCC> It also has very sophisticated<br>computer-controlled suspension. <SYNC Start=1193760><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1193800><P Class=ENCC> And, most interestingly, it was tested<br>here at the Top Gear test track. <SYNC Start=1198260><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1198300><P Class=ENCC> We should stress we had nothing to do<br>with the testing or development of it at all. <SYNC Start=1202712><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1202752><P Class=ENCC> No, nothing whatsoever. The thing that bothers me,<br>Hammond, is I've driven the 458 a lot, as you know. <SYNC Start=1208196><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1208236><P Class=ENCC> I love it and I cannot see how this can be better. <SYNC Start=1211228><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1211268><P Class=ENCC> I know, but what if it is? <SYNC Start=1213556><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1213596><P Class=ENCC> There are a few pointers. For one thing,<br>it's cheaper than the 458. <SYNC Start=1217556><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1217596><P Class=ENCC> You can't get in! I can.It's also more powerful,<br>592 brakehorse power, which is 30 or so more. <SYNC Start=1222992><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1223032><P Class=ENCC> These are good signs. I like it in here because<br>they've made the steering wheel the steering wheel. <SYNC Start=1228652><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1228692><P Class=ENCC> They haven't fallen into that trap of putting<br>buttons all over it to make it feel like Formula 1. <SYNC Start=1232868><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1232908><P Class=ENCC> They don't make you choose on your instrument<br>panel between the speedometer and the sat nav <SYNC Start=1236932><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1236972><P Class=ENCC> like Ferrari do. All that stuff they put here, and<br>your music, on a sort of iPad thing in the middle. <SYNC Start=1242420><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1242460><P Class=ENCC> It's a fantastic place to be. <SYNC Start=1245464><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1245504><P Class=ENCC> My only problem with this really is,- I like a supercar<br>to look a bit crazy, a bit mad, like a Zonda. <SYNC Start=1251540><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1251580><P Class=ENCC> If you ask me, this is sort of plain. <SYNC Start=1254508><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1254548><P Class=ENCC> You say Zonda, but<br>which Zonda do you mean? <SYNC Start=1256668><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1256708><P Class=ENCC> Well, the Pagani Zonda as opposed to<br>the Kia Zonda or the Ford Zonda. <SYNC Start=1262588><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1262628><P Class=ENCC> No, you see, over the years,<br>there have been thousands of them. <SYNC Start=1268684><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1268724><P Class=ENCC> The saga began 12 years ago<br>when Pagani launched this - Genesis. <SYNC Start=1274104><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1274144><P Class=ENCC> The very brilliant and very dramatic C12. <SYNC Start=1279448><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1279488><P Class=ENCC> A year later, they introduced a slightly<br>faster version called the C12S, <SYNC Start=1284244><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1284284><P Class=ENCC> and we saw that it was good. <SYNC Start=1287368><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1287408><P Class=ENCC> Then there was the Roadster S<br>and the Monza, and the F, <SYNC Start=1292788><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1292828><P Class=ENCC> and the F Roadster. <SYNC Start=1295820><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1295860><P Class=ENCC> And then, just when we thought every<br>angle had been explored, the F Clubsport. <SYNC Start=1303244><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1303284><P Class=ENCC> We imagined that this would be<br>the final Zonda, the final encore. <SYNC Start=1308932><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1308972><P Class=ENCC> But we were wrong. <SYNC Start=1321116><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1321156><P Class=ENCC> Welcome, everyone, to the Zonda R,<br>the last of the breed. <SYNC Start=1328556><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1328596><P Class=ENCC> And by far the most confusing. <SYNC Start=1335588><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1335628><P Class=ENCC> It looks like a pure-bred racer,<br>but you can't race it, <SYNC Start=1338588><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1338628><P Class=ENCC> because there are rules and<br>regulations in motor sport, <SYNC Start=1343068><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1343108><P Class=ENCC> and this meets none of them.<br>And if- you try to take it on the road, <SYNC Start=1347728><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1347768><P Class=ENCC> a policeman is going to stop you and say,<br>"Sir, where are your indicators <SYNC Start=1351776><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1351816><P Class=ENCC> "and why do you not have any tread on your tyres?" <SYNC Start=1358308><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1358348><P Class=ENCC> So if it's not for racing and it's not for the road, <SYNC Start=1361756><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1361796><P Class=ENCC> what is it for? <SYNC Start=1364428><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1364468><P Class=ENCC> Well, this. <SYNC Start=1374308><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1374348><P Class=ENCC> SPEECH DROWNED OUT BY ENGINE <SYNC Start=1379700><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1379740><P Class=ENCC> Annoyingly, the R is so loud that our team of<br>sound recordists had to have a bit of a rethink. <SYNC Start=1389508><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1389548><P Class=ENCC> What I was saying before I had this<br>microphone fitted is, it really is jolly fast. <SYNC Start=1397932><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1397972><P Class=ENCC> Very jolly fast! <SYNC Start=1401992><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1402032><P Class=ENCC> Nought to 60 takes three seconds. <SYNC Start=1406368><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1406408><P Class=ENCC> Top speed? Nobody knows.<br>Definitely more than 230 though. <SYNC Start=1415340><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1415380><P Class=ENCC> The main reason for all this<br>phenomenalness is the engine. <SYNC Start=1423836><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1423876><P Class=ENCC> It's a six-litre Mercedes V12,<br>which produces 740 horsepower. <SYNC Start=1431104><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1431144><P Class=ENCC> And it's being used to power a car<br>which weighs less than a Ford Fiesta. <SYNC Start=1443244><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1443284><P Class=ENCC> That makes the performance<br>extremely dramatic! <SYNC Start=1452744><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1452784><P Class=ENCC> The Zonda R recently blitzed their<br>own record at the Nurburgring. <SYNC Start=1459116><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1459156><P Class=ENCC> It got round in six minutes and 47 seconds, <SYNC Start=1463788><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1463828><P Class=ENCC> and from where I'm sitting, I cannot<br>work out why it took so long. <SYNC Start=1472416><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1472456><P Class=ENCC> I can only assume the driver stopped<br>off halfway round to read a book. <SYNC Start=1478444><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1478484><P Class=ENCC> Bruce Forsyth could get this thing round<br>the Nurburgring in less time than that. <SYNC Start=1487136><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1487176><P Class=ENCC> All Zondas look like they will be more complicated<br>to drive than spaceships, but they're not. <SYNC Start=1494088><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1494128><P Class=ENCC> They're easy. <SYNC Start=1495788><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1495828><P Class=ENCC> And because this one has grippy,<br>slick tyres, it's the easiest of the lot. <SYNC Start=1501588><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1501628><P Class=ENCC> You can whizz about at top speed <SYNC Start=1504588><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1504628><P Class=ENCC> and you've got time and brain power to think, <SYNC Start=1507912><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1507952><P Class=ENCC> "I really like the way they've got these air vents laid out." <SYNC Start=1513008><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1513048><P Class=ENCC> That's a nice strap, kind of old fashioned<br>and modern all at the same time. <SYNC Start=1519428><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1519468><P Class=ENCC> It doesn't really matter if you're not concentrating. <SYNC Start=1523804><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1523844><P Class=ENCC> Because it doesn't weigh anything <SYNC Start=1526056><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1526096><P Class=ENCC> and because its carbon brakes are so enormous, <SYNC Start=1529960><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1530000><P Class=ENCC> it will go from 125 mph to a dead stop in 4.3 seconds. <SYNC Start=1542988><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1543028><P Class=ENCC> Oh, yeah. Like that. <SYNC Start=1547492><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1547532><P Class=ENCC> The only way to stop faster is to hit a tree. <SYNC Start=1554304><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1554344><P Class=ENCC> And this is the first Zonda to have-<br>a flappy-paddle gearbox. <SYNC Start=1559228><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1559268><P Class=ENCC> It isn't the most refined system in<br>the world, if I'm honest, but it is quick. <SYNC Start=1565192><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1565232><P Class=ENCC> And it does mean that when you<br>floor it, you enjoy the fury <SYNC Start=1569524><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1569564><P Class=ENCC> and all you have to do when the fury runs out,<br>pull the lever and it starts all over again. <SYNC Start=1575836><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1575876><P Class=ENCC> Go! Yeah. Go! Go! Yes, go! <SYNC Start=1582804><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1582844><P Class=ENCC> Go, go, go! <SYNC Start=1587024><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1587064><P Class=ENCC> This car is fantastic. <SYNC Start=1590664><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1590704><P Class=ENCC> An extraordinary example of what can<br>be done when there are no rules. <SYNC Start=1595776><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1595816><P Class=ENCC> But for a toy, it is a bit expensive. <SYNC Start=1600944><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1600984><P Class=ENCC> The car will cost you L1.46 million,<br>and because most British racetracks <SYNC Start=1606260><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1606300><P Class=ENCC> have noise limits, which this breaches,<br>you'll need your own. <SYNC Start=1613900><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1613940><P Class=ENCC> And the going rate for one of those these days, <SYNC Start=1617024><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1617064><P Class=ENCC> about 6 billion. Billion! <SYNC Start=1622836><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1622876><P Class=ENCC> One last go, come on. <SYNC Start=1632460><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1632500><P Class=ENCC> Honestly, what a machine. <SYNC Start=1636588><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1636628><P Class=ENCC> What a machine. <SYNC Start=1639912><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1639952><P Class=ENCC> It seems a shame that we wave goodbye to<br>the Zonda with a car that is absolutely brilliant, <SYNC Start=1645868><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1645908><P Class=ENCC> but also completely useless. <SYNC Start=1652244><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1652284><P Class=ENCC> The people at Pagani obviously thought so too, <SYNC Start=1655148><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1655188><P Class=ENCC> because they recently announced <SYNC Start=1657724><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1657764><P Class=ENCC> that the R would not be the last Zonda after all. <SYNC Start=1661628><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1661668><P Class=ENCC> They would actually finish by making<br>five road-going versions of it. <SYNC Start=1666416><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1666456><P Class=ENCC> And then they'd really, definitely finish<br>with five convertible versions of those. <SYNC Start=1675288><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1675328><P Class=ENCC> But like a 1970s rock band, they<br>don't seem to be able to end the song, <SYNC Start=1681628><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1681668><P Class=ENCC> because they now say that there<br>will be another, one last hurrah. <SYNC Start=1686832><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1686872><P Class=ENCC> This is it, the Tricolore. <SYNC Start=1690988><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1691028><P Class=ENCC> Named after the Italian Air Force<br>aerobatic squadron, <SYNC Start=1694304><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1694344><P Class=ENCC> this too is a quietened down,<br>softer version of the R. <SYNC Start=1709552><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1709592><P Class=ENCC> It's heavier, slightly less powerful, <SYNC Start=1713444><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1713484><P Class=ENCC> and thanks to normal - oops -<br>road tyres, a lot less grippy. <SYNC Start=1717776><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1717816><P Class=ENCC> Ha ha! <SYNC Start=1720988><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1721028><P Class=ENCC> Oh, dear. <SYNC Start=1723460><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1723500><P Class=ENCC> But it's still a great car. <SYNC Start=1727648><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1727688><P Class=ENCC> And still properly, properly fast. <SYNC Start=1734460><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1734500><P Class=ENCC> Ho, ho, ho! <SYNC Start=1737100><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1737140><P Class=ENCC> And because you don't need your own<br>track, it's about 6 billion less than the R. <SYNC Start=1743396><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1743436><P Class=ENCC> That makes it good value. <SYNC Start=1748180><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1748220><P Class=ENCC> But of course, what makes this <SYNC Start=1751492><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1751532><P Class=ENCC> the best value of all is that I'm driving Revelations. <SYNC Start=1757304><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1757344><P Class=ENCC> The final encore. <SYNC Start=1761724><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1761764><P Class=ENCC> Bye-bye, Zonda. <SYNC Start=1764380><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1764420><P Class=ENCC> Bye-bye. <SYNC Start=1781944><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1781984><P Class=ENCC> APPLAUSE <SYNC Start=1791132><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1791172><P Class=ENCC> Poor old Richard Hammond. The Zonda<br>is his favourite car and now it's all gone. <SYNC Start=1797268><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1797308><P Class=ENCC> No, actually, because after I made that film, <SYNC Start=1800676><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1800716><P Class=ENCC> Zonda announced they would make two<br>more Tricolores. Really? But then it's over? <SYNC Start=1805912><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1805952><P Class=ENCC> No, because when they finish doing those,<br>they're going to make a new one called the 750. <SYNC Start=1811396><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1811436><P Class=ENCC> Then that's the last Zonda? No,<br>because after that... I'm not joking. <SYNC Start=1815804><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1815844><P Class=ENCC> They're doing one called the HH.<br>Then they're going to start <SYNC Start=1818804><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1818844><P Class=ENCC> finally building the new car,<br>the... What's it called? <SYNC Start=1821804><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1821844><P Class=ENCC> Huarrr... Yeah, that one. Huayra. <SYNC Start=1825912><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1825952><P Class=ENCC> While they're dithering about, making up<br>their mind, it's time to find out how fast this one, <SYNC Start=1830508><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1830548><P Class=ENCC> the R, goes round our track. Of course,<br>that means handing it over to our tame racing driver. <SYNC Start=1836116><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1836156><P Class=ENCC> Some say his nipples are explosive. <SYNC Start=1842428><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1842468><P Class=ENCC> And that he's recently had a Mexican... <SYNC Start=1845740><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1845780><P Class=ENCC> I mean Brazilian! I mean Brazilian!-<br>Why did I say that? <SYNC Start=1849524><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1849564><P Class=ENCC> I'm sorry, Mr Ambassador. Anyway,<br>all we know is he's called the Stig. <SYNC Start=1854460><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1854500><P Class=ENCC> And he's off. I can't imagine<br>this is going to take very long. <SYNC Start=1859304><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1859344><P Class=ENCC> V12 AMG fury powering towards<br>the first corner. Here we are. <SYNC Start=1864020><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1864060><P Class=ENCC> So much grip in this car. <SYNC Start=1866832><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1866872><P Class=ENCC> It is just gliding through. <SYNC Start=1869524><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1869564><P Class=ENCC> Bit of a four-wheel drift there. <SYNC Start=1872304><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1872344><P Class=ENCC> No stereo, of course, just<br>12 cylinders singing. <SYNC Start=1876804><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1876844><P Class=ENCC> Actually, not singing, shouting!<br>Actually very wide through Chicago. <SYNC Start=1881616><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1881656><P Class=ENCC> How will he attack Hammerhead? <SYNC Start=1884552><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1884592><P Class=ENCC> Leaning hard on those incredible<br>brakes. Yes. He's nailed it now. <SYNC Start=1891148><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1891188><P Class=ENCC> Yes, he's through. <SYNC Start=1897316><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1897356><P Class=ENCC> Really open the taps now. <SYNC Start=1900004><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1900044><P Class=ENCC> Cuts a steady throttle through<br>the follow-through. <SYNC Start=1903192><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1903232><P Class=ENCC> Unsettled a bit by the bump on the apex.<br>Stig not scared. <SYNC Start=1906412><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1906452><P Class=ENCC> Two corners left. It stays so flat.-<br>It actually looks undramatic. <SYNC Start=1910820><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1910860><P Class=ENCC> Oh, a spit of flame! <SYNC Start=1912596><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1912636><P Class=ENCC> Into Gambon and across the line. <SYNC Start=1915520><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1915560><P Class=ENCC> APPLAUSE <SYNC Start=1919508><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1919548><P Class=ENCC> I have the time here. <SYNC Start=1921260><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1921300><P Class=ENCC> He did it in 1:26.7. <SYNC Start=1927036><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1927076><P Class=ENCC> No! No, I'm lying. <SYNC Start=1929644><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1929684><P Class=ENCC> 1:8.5. <SYNC Start=1932900><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1932940><P Class=ENCC> CHEERING <SYNC Start=1937004><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1937044><P Class=ENCC> The thing is, you may remember,<br>a couple of years ago, <SYNC Start=1942316><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1942356><P Class=ENCC> Michael Schumacher came here and<br>took a Ferrari FXX round, <SYNC Start=1945696><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1945736><P Class=ENCC> which is the same sort of thing as this, OK? <SYNC Start=1948444><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1948484><P Class=ENCC> That was 1:10.7. <SYNC Start=1951848><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1951888><P Class=ENCC> So that is 2.2 seconds quicker than<br>Schumacher in a Ferrari, on slick tyres as well. <SYNC Start=1957628><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1957668><P Class=ENCC> Amazing. Either that car is<br>truly incredible... Or? <SYNC Start=1962444><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1962484><P Class=ENCC> The Stig is rather underpaid. <SYNC Start=1966208><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1966248><P Class=ENCC> Yes. There's one more thing we have- to do,<br>I'm afraid. Get rid of it. <SYNC Start=1969820><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1969860><P Class=ENCC> Yes, of course. It's not a road has<br>no place on our board car. <SYNC Start=1975472><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1975512><P Class=ENCC> It's the rules. It's the rules, I'm afraid. <SYNC Start=1978644><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1978684><P Class=ENCC> Let me cheer you up, because it's time<br>now to put a star in our reasonably-priced car. <SYNC Start=1982820><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1982860><P Class=ENCC> In fact, this week, two stars. <SYNC Start=1986944><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1986984><P Class=ENCC> These guys, well, they've fought off zombies in London. <SYNC Start=1989848><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1989888><P Class=ENCC> They've had a knife fight in a<br>supermarket in the West Country. <SYNC Start=1993380><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1993420><P Class=ENCC> More recently, they've helped an alien<br>get back to its home planet. <SYNC Start=1997540><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=1997580><P Class=ENCC> So they're either actors or massive liars.<br>Let's find out. <SYNC Start=2001348><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2001388><P Class=ENCC> Ladies and gentlemen,<br>Nick Frost and Simon Pegg! <SYNC Start=2004132><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2004172><P Class=ENCC> CHEERING AND APPLAUSE <SYNC Start=2007504><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2007544><P Class=ENCC> Gentlemen! How are you? <SYNC Start=2009908><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2009948><P Class=ENCC> I'm very well. Good to see you. <SYNC Start=2013036><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2013076><P Class=ENCC> Look what we've got here. <SYNC Start=2018472><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2018512><P Class=ENCC> Great to see you, guys. Great to see. <SYNC Start=2021548><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2021588><P Class=ENCC> You two have known each other for donkey's years,<br>haven't you? Yes. 17-18 years. Met in a restaurant? <SYNC Start=2026100><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2026140><P Class=ENCC> Yes, Mexican restaurant. <SYNC Start=2028848><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2028888><P Class=ENCC> LAUGHTER I can never go back now. <SYNC Start=2031752><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2031792><P Class=ENCC> They've ripped up my Golden Fajita Card. <SYNC Start=2035676><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2035716><P Class=ENCC> You became friends because you<br>shared a love of Star Wars noises? <SYNC Start=2039880><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2039920><P Class=ENCC> Yeah. That's kind of how we bonded.<br>-We met because Nick was interested <SYNC Start=2043132><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2043172><P Class=ENCC> in being a stand-up comic,<br>I was a stand-up comic. <SYNC Start=2045660><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2045700><P Class=ENCC> We met, went out a few times.<br>I did this. <SYNC Start=2047692><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2047732><P Class=ENCC> HE BEEPS LIKE A STAR WARS ROBOT <SYNC Start=2052036><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2052076><P Class=ENCC> Which is a noise that a smalldroid...<br>I can see you glaze over. <SYNC Start=2055520><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2055560><P Class=ENCC> No, I'm quite good at Star Wars,<br>but I am struggling here. <SYNC Start=2058832><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2058872><P Class=ENCC> That's why I fell in love with him,- because I<br>thought no-one knew about that except me, <SYNC Start=2063364><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2063404><P Class=ENCC> and then he did it to me and it was like<br>he'd sprayed me with his nerd musk. <SYNC Start=2069820><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2069860><P Class=ENCC> That was it, then. How loving. <SYNC Start=2074100><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2074140><P Class=ENCC> It must be great working with your friends, I imagine. <SYNC Start=2077976><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2078016><P Class=ENCC> I don't know, obviously. <SYNC Start=2081472><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2081512><P Class=ENCC> We have the new film, which is out this week. <SYNC Start=2083880><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2083920><P Class=ENCC> Valentine's Day. It's called Paul. <SYNC Start=2088520><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2088560><P Class=ENCC> The idea was literally a spitballin the garden<br>when we were shooting Shaun Of The Dead. <SYNC Start=2092520><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2092560><P Class=ENCC> The weather was really bad.Our producer said,<br>"Can't we shootsomewhere where it's always sunny?" <SYNC Start=2097896><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2097936><P Class=ENCC> We thought of the desert, then because of<br>our nerd minds, we went straight to Area 51. <SYNC Start=2102520><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2102560><P Class=ENCC> That became aliens. We said, "OK, there's two guys<br>and there's analien and they help him get home." <SYNC Start=2107788><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2107828><P Class=ENCC> We've got a clip of the film,<br>which we can look at. <SYNC Start=2111976><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2112016><P Class=ENCC> Put... the phone... down. <SYNC Start=2116568><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2116608><P Class=ENCC> Ha-ha-ha! <SYNC Start=2120036><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2120076><P Class=ENCC> What have you done to him?<br>I didn't do anything to him. He fainted. <SYNC Start=2123160><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2123200><P Class=ENCC> Yeah, but you made him faint. <SYNC Start=2124908><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2124948><P Class=ENCC> But it's not like I set my phaser to faint. <SYNC Start=2127128><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2127168><P Class=ENCC> You've got a phaser?! No! Look, listen. <SYNC Start=2129752><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2129792><P Class=ENCC> Hey, I really need your help, OK? <SYNC Start=2132348><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2132388><P Class=ENCC> Can we get this guy back on your wagon? <SYNC Start=2134036><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2134076><P Class=ENCC> HE GIBBERS <SYNC Start=2137112><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2137152><P Class=ENCC> Are you an alien? To you, I am, yes.-<br>Are you going to probe us? <SYNC Start=2140956><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2140996><P Class=ENCC> Why does everyone assume that?<br>What am I doing? <SYNC Start=2143268><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2143308><P Class=ENCC> Am I harvesting farts? How much can I<br>learn from an ass? W-w-what? <SYNC Start=2149236><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2149276><P Class=ENCC> I love the alien. He's great, isn't he?<br>A brilliant alien. <SYNC Start=2152724><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2152764><P Class=ENCC> What gave you the idea to make<br>your alien smoke and swear? <SYNC Start=2157724><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2157764><P Class=ENCC> We just liked the idea that he's been on<br>earth longer than Graham and Clive have. <SYNC Start=2161568><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2161608><P Class=ENCC> He's less alien than they are, really.<br>They're two British guys out of their depth. <SYNC Start=2165848><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2165888><P Class=ENCC> He's been hanging round, smoking<br>strong weed that he gets off the military, <SYNC Start=2169956><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2169996><P Class=ENCC> that he claims killed Bob Dylan. <SYNC Start=2173256><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2173296><P Class=ENCC> They do say there's aliens in Area 51,<br>don't they? Yes. Do you actually believe that? <SYNC Start=2178708><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2178748><P Class=ENCC> I'm not sure we do. No. <SYNC Start=2180940><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2180980><P Class=ENCC> It's very coincidental that people see lots of<br>flying saucers nearan experimental aircraft facility. <SYNC Start=2186924><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2186964><P Class=ENCC> Logically, it's probably planes! <SYNC Start=2190004><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2190044><P Class=ENCC> Did you go out to Area 51 to research it?<br>We did, we did the whole trip. <SYNC Start=2194564><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2194604><P Class=ENCC> We got an RV and we drove from Los Angeles<br>right the way through Nevada and Utah. <SYNC Start=2200268><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2200308><P Class=ENCC> Did you meet many lunatics? <SYNC Start=2202580><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2202620><P Class=ENCC> A few. Lot of cowboys. <SYNC Start=2205052><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2205092><P Class=ENCC> We went to a rodeo,fully Stetsons,<br>jeans, cowboy boots, <SYNC Start=2209548><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2209588><P Class=ENCC> shirts with business on, felt completely normal. <SYNC Start=2213256><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2213296><P Class=ENCC> Thought, this is fine, it's goodto wear<br>this stuff. I did not feel normal, by the way. <SYNC Start=2217348><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2217388><P Class=ENCC> We didn't look like them, but like people dressing<br>up, pretending to be them. They could smell our fear. <SYNC Start=2222516><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2222556><P Class=ENCC> That's because you had a<br>toy gun on your hip. Pow! <SYNC Start=2226144><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2226184><P Class=ENCC> Did you get to drive your RV<br>across America? <SYNC Start=2229784><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2229824><P Class=ENCC> We had to learn how to drive. This is going to<br>sound really BLEEP- but we had a driver. <SYNC Start=2234676><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2234716><P Class=ENCC> What? Neither of us have ever driven an RV. <SYNC Start=2238460><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2238500><P Class=ENCC> The point of it was that we would be<br>sitting, writing, while America <SYNC Start=2241440><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2241480><P Class=ENCC> drifted past and we just thought,<br>"Let's have a driver." <SYNC Start=2245876><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2245916><P Class=ENCC> He was the guy that did that<br>amazing-handbrake turn in Meet The Fockers. <SYNC Start=2250752><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2250792><P Class=ENCC> De Niro's big CIA blacked-out RV.There's a<br>bit in that when it turns a full handbrake turn. <SYNC Start=2256392><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2256432><P Class=ENCC> He was the driver? He left me driving...<br>We decided to take <SYNC Start=2259988><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2260028><P Class=ENCC> a highway because we were running behind time. <SYNC Start=2264380><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2264420><P Class=ENCC> He really needed the toilet, so he left me<br>at the wheel and I started to lose control. <SYNC Start=2269692><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2269732><P Class=ENCC> Nick was going, "Small corrections,<br>small corrections!" "I can't! I can't!" <SYNC Start=2272988><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2273028><P Class=ENCC> Steve came out the toilet, doing up his flies... <SYNC Start=2277348><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2277388><P Class=ENCC> There was the old story of the guy that rented<br>one, an English guy rented an RV for his holiday. <SYNC Start=2282768><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2282808><P Class=ENCC> It said cruise control,<br>so he put on cruise control. "Lovely!" <SYNC Start=2288440><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2288480><P Class=ENCC> Nobody could work out, in the accident,<br>why he was killed with a kettle in his hand. <SYNC Start=2293284><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2293324><P Class=ENCC> Doing 80 mph. Stupid idiot. Anyway,<br>so look, the lap, this is why you're here. <SYNC Start=2300188><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2300228><P Class=ENCC> I know you were nervous, because you thought<br>that your size would count against you. Yeah. <SYNC Start=2304468><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2304508><P Class=ENCC> Whereas you, of course... What do you weigh?<br>I'm 11.5 stone. My leg weighs that much! <SYNC Start=2310908><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2310948><P Class=ENCC> But the thing is, are you very fit?- At the moment I am,<br>because I'm doing Mission Impossible 4 <SYNC Start=2316236><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2316276><P Class=ENCC> as we speak, and I'm sort of having to be... <SYNC Start=2320080><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2320120><P Class=ENCC> I'm an agent now, so I need to be on... <SYNC Start=2324316><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2324356><P Class=ENCC> I had a long conversation with MrCruise about<br>his appearance on this.- Still talks about it. <SYNC Start=2328408><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2328448><P Class=ENCC> Does he? He is full of Top Gear. He has<br>such a shallow and empty life, obviously. <SYNC Start=2332488><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2332528><P Class=ENCC> But he is obsessed with it. <SYNC Start=2334672><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2334712><P Class=ENCC> Nevertheless, whose lap shall we see first? <SYNC Start=2338032><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2338072><P Class=ENCC> Let's have a look, shall we,<br>at... your lap, Simon. <SYNC Start=2341284><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2341324><P Class=ENCC> Come on, Simon. Let's see your lap.<br>- Here we go. <SYNC Start=2346268><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2346308><P Class=ENCC> HE SPLUTTERS <SYNC Start=2349828><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2349868><P Class=ENCC> I've changed gear.<br>That's a good sign. Yep. <SYNC Start=2353460><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2353500><P Class=ENCC> Right, first corner. <SYNC Start=2355020><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2355060><P Class=ENCC> Nice wide line in there. <SYNC Start=2356612><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2356652><P Class=ENCC> New Stig does teach that line. <SYNC Start=2360284><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2360324><P Class=ENCC> He does, yeah. Very... Ooh,<br>you're not using all the road, though. <SYNC Start=2363204><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2363244><P Class=ENCC> Come on, you motherhumper. <SYNC Start=2365392><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2365432><P Class=ENCC> Mother what? Motherhumper. <SYNC Start=2367644><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2367684><P Class=ENCC> Motherhumper? Nice. Watershed language. <SYNC Start=2370612><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2370652><P Class=ENCC> That's looking quite tidy. <SYNC Start=2372440><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2372480><P Class=ENCC> Where are you going? Oh, Hammerhead.<br>Let's have a look. Whoa! <SYNC Start=2375488><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2375528><P Class=ENCC> That's squirreling underbraking.<br>That is quite impressive. <SYNC Start=2378392><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2378432><P Class=ENCC> Right. Keep it in between the lines. <SYNC Start=2380924><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2380964><P Class=ENCC> Just about... Yep. <SYNC Start=2383564><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2383604><P Class=ENCC> It's much sportier than the last one.<br>This is a great car. <SYNC Start=2387144><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2387184><P Class=ENCC> See apostrophe Dee. <SYNC Start=2389672><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2389712><P Class=ENCC> TYRES SCREECH <SYNC Start=2392672><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2392712><P Class=ENCC> That noise. I know. <SYNC Start=2394460><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2394500><P Class=ENCC> Ooh, that gives me a funny feeling! <SYNC Start=2397424><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2397464><P Class=ENCC> Really? <SYNC Start=2399408><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2399448><P Class=ENCC> Whoa! Almost had the back<br>wheel off the ground there. <SYNC Start=2402828><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2402868><P Class=ENCC> Right, second-to-last corner is<br>where most people go wrong. <SYNC Start=2405768><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2405808><P Class=ENCC> That is extremely tidy. Look at that. <SYNC Start=2409488><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2409528><P Class=ENCC> And Gambon... <SYNC Start=2410988><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2411028><P Class=ENCC> Looking very smooth through there. <SYNC Start=2413628><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2413668><P Class=ENCC> And there we are - we've crossed the line.<br>Lovely. <SYNC Start=2415860><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2415900><P Class=ENCC> APPLAUSE <SYNC Start=2418612><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2418652><P Class=ENCC> Now... <SYNC Start=2423612><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2423652><P Class=ENCC> Before we get on to how you did... Yeah. <SYNC Start=2426692><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2426732><P Class=ENCC> ..I think we should have a look at Nick's lap. <SYNC Start=2429564><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2429604><P Class=ENCC> OK. Now, Nick, your practices<br>weren't entirely smooth. <SYNC Start=2432844><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2432884><P Class=ENCC> No. I've sat forward already. No, I just<br>wanted to go for it and see what happened. <SYNC Start=2437392><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2437432><P Class=ENCC> Of course, on the second-to-last corner... <SYNC Start=2439704><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2439744><P Class=ENCC> Well, let's have a look at what happened. <SYNC Start=2442392><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2442432><P Class=ENCC> This is ballsy. <SYNC Start=2444796><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2444836><P Class=ENCC> Too ballsy, in fact. <SYNC Start=2447672><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2447712><P Class=ENCC> LAUGHTER <SYNC Start=2449048><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2449088><P Class=ENCC> That's a proper spin! What's that? <SYNC Start=2451236><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2451276><P Class=ENCC> Hitting the kerb. You could have rolled! <SYNC Start=2452672><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2452712><P Class=ENCC> APPLAUSE That's what I call ballsy. <SYNC Start=2457108><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2457148><P Class=ENCC> I think the thing about being in a... <SYNC Start=2458876><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2458916><P Class=ENCC> being a big guy in a<br>small car when you roll it <SYNC Start=2461332><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2461372><P Class=ENCC> is there's nowhere for you to go so it's fine, <SYNC Start=2464100><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2464140><P Class=ENCC> you just roll around. You're wedged-<br>in and your eyes go around. Yeah. <SYNC Start=2466692><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2466732><P Class=ENCC> Nick, let's see how you got on. <SYNC Start=2469204><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2469244><P Class=ENCC> ENGINE REVS <SYNC Start=2470548><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2470588><P Class=ENCC> TYRES SCREECH <SYNC Start=2473300><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2473340><P Class=ENCC> Right. Good start.<br>Ah, that rubber smell. <SYNC Start=2477332><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2477372><P Class=ENCC> Reminds me of my honeymoon! <SYNC Start=2479456><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2479496><P Class=ENCC> LAUGHTER <SYNC Start=2481236><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2481276><P Class=ENCC> Helmet suits you, got to say. <SYNC Start=2483500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2483540><P Class=ENCC> I'm not going to talk about the<br>honeymoon, that's why. <SYNC Start=2484952><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2484992><P Class=ENCC> Right, first corner. <SYNC Start=2486720><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2486760><P Class=ENCC> That's a tighter line there than<br>Simon's and using all the road. <SYNC Start=2490672><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2490712><P Class=ENCC> When it squeals, ease it off. <SYNC Start=2493048><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2493088><P Class=ENCC> Just like a bag of pigs. <SYNC Start=2495612><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2495652><P Class=ENCC> LAUGHTER <SYNC Start=2496828><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2496868><P Class=ENCC> 'I was trying to channel you.' <SYNC Start=2499128><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2499168><P Class=ENCC> 'I'm not even going to go anywhere<br>with these remarks in the car. <SYNC Start=2502360><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2502400><P Class=ENCC> 'A bag of pigs. <SYNC Start=2504564><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2504604><P Class=ENCC> 'Less aggressive on the brakes<br>than Simon was there. <SYNC Start=2507312><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2507352><P Class=ENCC> 'Now, let's have a look.<br>Does this look tidy?' <SYNC Start=2512300><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2512340><P Class=ENCC> 'Ooh, little chirrup. Slow. <SYNC Start=2513468><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2513508><P Class=ENCC> 'Looks slow. Could be fast, though.<br>- You never know. <SYNC Start=2516388><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2516428><P Class=ENCC> 'And on to the straight.' <SYNC Start=2518424><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2518464><P Class=ENCC> You waved! <SYNC Start=2520176><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2520216><P Class=ENCC> Why do I keep looking in the mirror? <SYNC Start=2523536><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2523576><P Class=ENCC> Why did I keep looking in the mirror?<br>I don't know. <SYNC Start=2525844><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2525884><P Class=ENCC> It's natural. It's in everybody they<br>must check the mirror. <SYNC Start=2529020><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2529060><P Class=ENCC> Swing it to the right. <SYNC Start=2531108><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2531148><P Class=ENCC> Past the wall of tyres. <SYNC Start=2533032><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2533072><P Class=ENCC> No, left! Left, left! It's left on the wall! <SYNC Start=2536436><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2536476><P Class=ENCC> I went out right... Oh, I see, to come in again. <SYNC Start=2539548><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2539588><P Class=ENCC> My willy feels funny. LAUGHTER <SYNC Start=2542252><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2542292><P Class=ENCC> That's a James May problem. He's always<br>saying he has this fizzing penis root. <SYNC Start=2546876><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2546916><P Class=ENCC> Right, there we... Ooh,<br>so where are we going? <SYNC Start=2549188><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2549228><P Class=ENCC> Whoa! Tom Cruise line! There we are, <SYNC Start=2551924><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2551964><P Class=ENCC> we've crossed the line. APPLAUSE <SYNC Start=2554828><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2554868><P Class=ENCC> That's two wheels! <SYNC Start=2558064><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2558104><P Class=ENCC> That's dangerous, with me being<br>on the right, too. That could have... <SYNC Start=2561908><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2561948><P Class=ENCC> Now that is... There's Michael Gambon,<br>Tom Cruise <SYNC Start=2564064><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2564104><P Class=ENCC> and you have had it on two wheels<br>in that last corner. Good. <SYNC Start=2567536><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2567576><P Class=ENCC> Awesome. But was it enough?<br>That is the question. <SYNC Start=2572828><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2572868><P Class=ENCC> I can feel my heart in my ears. <SYNC Start=2575704><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2575744><P Class=ENCC> LAUGHTER <SYNC Start=2576796><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2576836><P Class=ENCC> Right. Simon. Yes? <SYNC Start=2579176><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2579216><P Class=ENCC> You're first in the list, OK? <SYNC Start=2581080><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2581120><P Class=ENCC> When you were last here, you did it in 1:48.05,<br>which actually is a very quick time, in that old... <SYNC Start=2586892><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2586932><P Class=ENCC> It was a Lacetti, wasn't it? It was, yeah. <SYNC Start=2589908><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2589948><P Class=ENCC> So where do you think you've come this time?<br>1:48.05 - where do you think you are now? <SYNC Start=2593236><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2593276><P Class=ENCC> I honestly couldn't tell you. <SYNC Start=2594860><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2594900><P Class=ENCC> Well, you did it in 1... <SYNC Start=2598484><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2598524><P Class=ENCC> 40... <SYNC Start=2601140><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2601180><P Class=ENCC> 4... Ooh! Wow. <SYNC Start=2603176><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2603216><P Class=ENCC> ..9! Wow! You... <SYNC Start=2605424><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2605464><P Class=ENCC> APPLAUSE <SYNC Start=2607176><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2607216><P Class=ENCC> ..are there. <SYNC Start=2614580><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2614620><P Class=ENCC> You'll be able to tell Tom Cruise you're right<br>on top of Cameron Diaz... This isn't working, is it? <SYNC Start=2620580><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2620620><P Class=ENCC> I think it's working fine. Between<br>Cameron and Tom. That's great. <SYNC Start=2624140><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2624180><P Class=ENCC> You are between Cameron and Tom.<br>Now, Nick, obviously the heavyweight. <SYNC Start=2627516><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2627556><P Class=ENCC> Yeah. Are you going to put HW on mine? <SYNC Start=2629628><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2629668><P Class=ENCC> LAUGHTER FF. <SYNC Start=2632156><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2632196><P Class=ENCC> Ah! Aw! <SYNC Start=2636268><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2636308><P Class=ENCC> He nearly killed a journalist in Birmingham<br>once for making a joke about his weight. <SYNC Start=2639516><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2639556><P Class=ENCC> I did. Did you? I grabbed him<br>round his throat. <SYNC Start=2642108><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2642148><P Class=ENCC> Really? Yeah. That's what the new<br>Ferrari's called. <SYNC Start=2646660><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2646700><P Class=ENCC> I was talking about Ferrari. <SYNC Start=2649252><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2649292><P Class=ENCC> I feel like Chewbacca now. <SYNC Start=2650940><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2650980><P Class=ENCC> "Let the wookiee win." HE GRUNTS <SYNC Start=2654796><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2654836><P Class=ENCC> Where do you reckon you've come<br>on that? I don't know. 1:49, maybe. <SYNC Start=2659972><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2660012><P Class=ENCC> Well, you did it in 1... <SYNC Start=2663688><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2663728><P Class=ENCC> 40... <SYNC Start=2666220><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2666260><P Class=ENCC> 4... <SYNC Start=2669564><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2669604><P Class=ENCC> Oh! ..point 5. <SYNC Start=2671876><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2671916><P Class=ENCC> Oh! So that puts you third... <SYNC Start=2679564><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2679604><P Class=ENCC> We did really well. <SYNC Start=2680876><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2680916><P Class=ENCC> Well done. <SYNC Start=2683188><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2683228><P Class=ENCC> Thank you, Jeremy. <SYNC Start=2685424><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2685464><P Class=ENCC> Are you surprised by this? Imagine if I<br>weighed 11 stone. I'd get round in 1:08! <SYNC Start=2690176><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2690216><P Class=ENCC> That is a remarkable performance. Have<br>you done track? You've been here before. <SYNC Start=2694232><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2694272><P Class=ENCC> I've never done it.<br>You've never driven on a track? <SYNC Start=2696640><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2696680><P Class=ENCC> I bought you a track day,<br>you never went. I never went. <SYNC Start=2699672><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2699712><P Class=ENCC> You should try and take it up<br>because there's a natural talent. <SYNC Start=2702360><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2702400><P Class=ENCC> Ladies and gentlemen,<br>Simon Pegg, Nick Frost. <SYNC Start=2704500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2704540><P Class=ENCC> CHEERING AND APPLAUSE <SYNC Start=2708188><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2708228><P Class=ENCC> Thank you very much. <SYNC Start=2710220><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2710260><P Class=ENCC> Well done, man. I know. Brilliant. <SYNC Start=2714564><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2714604><P Class=ENCC> Right, moving on. <SYNC Start=2717796><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2717836><P Class=ENCC> Tonight... <SYNC Start=2719716><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2719756><P Class=ENCC> Tonight we are engaged in a challenge<br>that was supposed to be <SYNC Start=2723344><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2723384><P Class=ENCC> to find the best four-seater convertible<br>you can buy for less than L2,000. <SYNC Start=2727624><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2727664><P Class=ENCC> Yeah. Sadly, though, we all bought BMW 325i. <SYNC Start=2731312><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2731352><P Class=ENCC> So instead we're finding out how different <SYNC Start=2733344><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2733384><P Class=ENCC> three supposedly identical cars<br>have become over the years. <SYNC Start=2737564><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2737604><P Class=ENCC> Yeah. So far we've discovered that his<br>car is full of mucus and mine full of poo... <SYNC Start=2743408><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2743448><P Class=ENCC> And pubic hair. Yeah. Andspent<br>most of the time broken down. <SYNC Start=2746468><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2746508><P Class=ENCC> But as we rejoin the action,<br>all three cars are actually working. <SYNC Start=2754064><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2754104><P Class=ENCC> What you're looking at here is the Stig <SYNC Start=2756188><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2756228><P Class=ENCC> setting a lap time in the<br>modern-day equivalent of our cars. <SYNC Start=2762232><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2762272><P Class=ENCC> A time we shall try to match. <SYNC Start=2765408><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2765448><P Class=ENCC> I'm, in some ways, confident. I have the<br>paving slab in the boot giving me better handling, <SYNC Start=2770468><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2770508><P Class=ENCC> and yet not confident at all<br>because I have no brakes. <SYNC Start=2776844><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2776884><P Class=ENCC> I wonder if my brakes are any good.<br>You don't know, do you? Not really, no. <SYNC Start=2782108><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2782148><P Class=ENCC> Oooh, stand back! <SYNC Start=2785736><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2785776><P Class=ENCC> 1:35.09. <SYNC Start=2789468><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2789508><P Class=ENCC> Right, now we just have to see<br>which one of us gets closest to that time. <SYNC Start=2795516><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2795556><P Class=ENCC> Here we go. <SYNC Start=2800300><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2800340><P Class=ENCC> Wipers not working. <SYNC Start=2803592><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2803632><P Class=ENCC> OK, this, little BMW,<br>is when you win back your stripes. <SYNC Start=2807608><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2807648><P Class=ENCC> It's been lowered. <SYNC Start=2809624><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2809664><P Class=ENCC> I think you'll findit'll suddenly<br>emerge as the star. <SYNC Start=2812580><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2812620><P Class=ENCC> TYRES SCREECH <SYNC Start=2816124><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2816164><P Class=ENCC> Get out of the way, you incompetent,<br>long-haired old spaniel. <SYNC Start=2820952><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2820992><P Class=ENCC> I think this is Chicago. <SYNC Start=2824748><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2824788><P Class=ENCC> Come on, paving stone, do your work. <SYNC Start=2826860><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2826900><P Class=ENCC> TYRES SCREECH <SYNC Start=2828640><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2828680><P Class=ENCC> Holy moley! <SYNC Start=2831156><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2831196><P Class=ENCC> These old 325is, they had<br>semi-trailing on rear suspension. <SYNC Start=2836532><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2836572><P Class=ENCC> They were known as the third biggest killer of<br>yuppies because of the tail-happiness, <SYNC Start=2841436><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2841476><P Class=ENCC> after Porsche 911 and accidents involving races. <SYNC Start=2846308><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2846348><P Class=ENCC> Here's the non-braking Jeremy Clarkson. <SYNC Start=2850924><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2850964><P Class=ENCC> I'll go get Hammond. <SYNC Start=2856436><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2856476><P Class=ENCC> Ooh. I think I'm wasting quitea<br>lot of time being sideways here. <SYNC Start=2862048><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2862088><P Class=ENCC> 'Hammond was very easy to catch because whoever<br>had lowered his car hadn't done a very good job.' <SYNC Start=2868016><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2868056><P Class=ENCC> He's got a wobble. <SYNC Start=2870264><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2870304><P Class=ENCC> Whoa! <SYNC Start=2873220><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2873260><P Class=ENCC> My car obviously isn't the fastest here,<br>but it seems to be the most stable. <SYNC Start=2878016><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2878056><P Class=ENCC> TYRES SCREECH <SYNC Start=2885580><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2885620><P Class=ENCC> 'In truth, <SYNC Start=2886592><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2886632><P Class=ENCC> 'all of our ultimate driving<br>machines had lost their edge.' <SYNC Start=2891016><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2891056><P Class=ENCC> Oh, dear. <SYNC Start=2892844><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2892884><P Class=ENCC> 'But Hammond's was in a class of its own.' <SYNC Start=2895300><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2895340><P Class=ENCC> Oh-ho! <SYNC Start=2898404><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2898444><P Class=ENCC> He's gone. He's so gone now. <SYNC Start=2901892><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2901932><P Class=ENCC> Ha-ha-ha! <SYNC Start=2908280><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2908320><P Class=ENCC> There's a simple rule when you're buying<br>a car, demonstrated by Hammond here. <SYNC Start=2911028><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2911068><P Class=ENCC> If it's been modified, especially<br>if it's been lowered, walk away. <SYNC Start=2919484><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2919524><P Class=ENCC> I'm beginning to think Jeremy's rather<br>crude handling pack might be the answer. <SYNC Start=2925300><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2925340><P Class=ENCC> 'With one lap to go, we all<br>decided to really go for it.' <SYNC Start=2929892><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2929932><P Class=ENCC> No, no, no. Don't do that. Damn. <SYNC Start=2937152><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2937192><P Class=ENCC> My seat's collapsed, badly. <SYNC Start=2940028><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2940068><P Class=ENCC> 'Still, could be worse.' <SYNC Start=2947500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2947540><P Class=ENCC> ENGINE WHINES <SYNC Start=2951624><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2951664><P Class=ENCC> Yeah! <SYNC Start=2953872><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2953912><P Class=ENCC> Right. <SYNC Start=2955640><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2955680><P Class=ENCC> Well, I hope I got a quick time in. <SYNC Start=2958044><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2958084><P Class=ENCC> We'd find out soon enough<br>because the results were in. <SYNC Start=2961500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2961540><P Class=ENCC> Here we are, these are the times.<br>Remember, the Stig did it in 1:35. Yeah. <SYNC Start=2966780><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2966820><P Class=ENCC> James - 1:55.04. <SYNC Start=2970844><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2970884><P Class=ENCC> Me - 1:55.03 is my best. <SYNC Start=2974484><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2974524><P Class=ENCC> And, Jeremy, your best, <SYNC Start=2976452><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2976492><P Class=ENCC> 1:48.0 - which means you win. <SYNC Start=2980028><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2980068><P Class=ENCC> It's a hollow victory.<br>Where's your car? Over there. <SYNC Start=2982872><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2982912><P Class=ENCC> It's quite broken. What's wrong with it? Well... <SYNC Start=2986388><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2986428><P Class=ENCC> the rear hose let go, sprayed water over<br>the electrics, which shorted them out. <SYNC Start=2991188><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2991228><P Class=ENCC> The exhaust manifold is cracked <SYNC Start=2994468><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2994508><P Class=ENCC> and the head's cooked. You've killed it. <SYNC Start=2998188><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=2998228><P Class=ENCC> Luckily for Jeremy, our next experiment<br>didn't involve any movement. <SYNC Start=3002940><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3002980><P Class=ENCC> Over time, the roof on a convertible-<br>will get baggy and start to leak. <SYNC Start=3008468><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3008508><P Class=ENCC> To see which of our cars leaks the most, <SYNC Start=3010404><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3010444><P Class=ENCC> we've devised an ingenious test. <SYNC Start=3015608><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3015648><P Class=ENCC> James is sitting in his car holding his<br>breath, because his car is full of gas. <SYNC Start=3021388><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3021428><P Class=ENCC> Now if the car leaks, the gas will escape, and<br>when he needs to take a breath, he'll be fine. <SYNC Start=3026108><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3026148><P Class=ENCC> If it doesn't leak, the gas won't escape and when<br>he needs to take a breath, he'll be in trouble. <SYNC Start=3031580><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3031620><P Class=ENCC> So is it cyanide we're using? <SYNC Start=3033172><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3033212><P Class=ENCC> No, helium. Helium? <SYNC Start=3034780><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3034820><P Class=ENCC> Yeah. Pure helium? Yes. <SYNC Start=3036532><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3036572><P Class=ENCC> That'll kill him. Yes. <SYNC Start=3037968><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3038008><P Class=ENCC> JAMES EXHALES Here we go. <SYNC Start=3039904><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3039944><P Class=ENCC> He's breathing. That's it, come on. <SYNC Start=3042532><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3042572><P Class=ENCC> HIGH-PITCHED: Whose idea was<br>this test? Bloody stupid idea. <SYNC Start=3045656><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3045696><P Class=ENCC> OTHERS LAUGH It's a very good idea. <SYNC Start=3047968><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3048008><P Class=ENCC> We've learned about your car. <SYNC Start=3050232><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3050272><P Class=ENCC> You sound like Donald Duck<br>because your car has done well. <SYNC Start=3054828><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3054868><P Class=ENCC> Given the contents of his car,<br>Hammond quite enjoyed holding his breath. <SYNC Start=3059044><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3059084><P Class=ENCC> HE EXHALES <SYNC Start=3063780><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3063820><P Class=ENCC> NORMAL PITCH:<br>Ah, you see mine's had a new... Oh! <SYNC Start=3068436><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3068476><P Class=ENCC> OTHERS LAUGH <SYNC Start=3069500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3069540><P Class=ENCC> Not a new roof fitted very well. <SYNC Start=3071948><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3071988><P Class=ENCC> You thought you'd have a squeaky voice!<br>I was expecting a full Smurf and it's not worked. <SYNC Start=3078280><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3078320><P Class=ENCC> Finally it was Jeremy's turn. <SYNC Start=3082500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3082540><P Class=ENCC> He's going to have to breathe. He's done it. Right. <SYNC Start=3085812><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3085852><P Class=ENCC> HIGH-PITCHED: I just have to say that's stupid. <SYNC Start=3088152><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3088192><P Class=ENCC> It's just a test of how big your lungs are. <SYNC Start=3091968><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3092008><P Class=ENCC> After this we got Jeremy's car going <SYNC Start=3094028><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3094068><P Class=ENCC> and went to see a group of BMW specialists. <SYNC Start=3098996><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3099036><P Class=ENCC> Their job was to calculate the cost <SYNC Start=3100748><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3100788><P Class=ENCC> of returning each of our cars to showroom condition. <SYNC Start=3109264><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3109304><P Class=ENCC> These cars come from a time<br>when people fitted after-market stereos. <SYNC Start=3112904><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3112944><P Class=ENCC> Let me talk you through this one. <SYNC Start=3114920><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3114960><P Class=ENCC> Here's the radio. <SYNC Start=3116904><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3116944><P Class=ENCC> STATIC That's Radio 1, Radio 2, <SYNC Start=3119904><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3119944><P Class=ENCC> Radio 3, Radio 4... STATIC CONTINUES <SYNC Start=3123420><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3123460><P Class=ENCC> ..Radio 5. <SYNC Start=3125828><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3125868><P Class=ENCC> STATIC CONTINUES <SYNC Start=3129432><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3129472><P Class=ENCC> Don't know what that is. <SYNC Start=3131340><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3131380><P Class=ENCC> Eventually the experts had<br>finished their assessments. <SYNC Start=3135340><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3135380><P Class=ENCC> Who has the results for<br>Richard Hammond's sewage farm? I do. <SYNC Start=3139296><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3139336><P Class=ENCC> L7,500. <SYNC Start=3141060><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3141100><P Class=ENCC> 7,500 to put that into showroom condition? <SYNC Start=3144308><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3144348><P Class=ENCC> Sir, you have the results for James' car. <SYNC Start=3147500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3147540><P Class=ENCC> Around 5,500. So L2,000 less. Well done. <SYNC Start=3151716><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3151756><P Class=ENCC> Did you just say well done? I did. <SYNC Start=3153588><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3153628><P Class=ENCC> You're a girl. How much would mine cost to put into show? <SYNC Start=3156780><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3156820><P Class=ENCC> Well, how many pence? <SYNC Start=3158748><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3158788><P Class=ENCC> HE CLEARS THROAT Er...11,000. <SYNC Start=3161716><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3161756><P Class=ENCC> That's pounds, not pence. OTHERS LAUGH <SYNC Start=3163840><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3163880><P Class=ENCC> What a pile of junk! Why is it L11,000? <SYNC Start=3166656><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3166696><P Class=ENCC> What possible reason is there for that? <SYNC Start=3169248><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3169288><P Class=ENCC> Oh. Oh, there's a few reasons. <SYNC Start=3172028><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3172068><P Class=ENCC> Oh, it's blown away. <SYNC Start=3175888><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3175928><P Class=ENCC> Since none of our cars were really<br>roadworthy, we decided at this point <SYNC Start=3179948><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3179988><P Class=ENCC> that the best thing we could do with<br>them was form a stunt driving team. <SYNC Start=3186812><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3186852><P Class=ENCC> We began by watching the experts. <SYNC Start=3195276><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3195316><P Class=ENCC> How do they memorise the moves? <SYNC Start=3202404><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3202444><P Class=ENCC> That was a J-turn. <SYNC Start=3204936><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3204976><P Class=ENCC> I can do all the moves individually, I think. <SYNC Start=3213276><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3213316><P Class=ENCC> 'It all looked terribly complicated-<br>and that was a worry, <SYNC Start=3216560><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3216600><P Class=ENCC> 'because the next day, we would be<br>performing in front of a live audience.' <SYNC Start=3225372><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3225412><P Class=ENCC> Wow. That's quite good. <SYNC Start=3230748><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3230788><P Class=ENCC> We're going to need to work on that. <SYNC Start=3232124><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3232164><P Class=ENCC> 'We began by planning our moves on a blackboard.' <SYNC Start=3235608><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3235648><P Class=ENCC> That's the nose of the car that<br>pointing that way. That's <SYNC Start=3237620><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3237660><P Class=ENCC> Over here, right, that's Jeremy. <SYNC Start=3244588><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3244628><P Class=ENCC> Then here... <SYNC Start=3249512><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3249552><P Class=ENCC> Those cars both have J on. They<br>both have J. So it could be... Oh. <SYNC Start=3252936><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3252976><P Class=ENCC> 'James took over.' <SYNC Start=3255092><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3255132><P Class=ENCC> We have a numbering system,<br>so you go first. I cross behind you... <SYNC Start=3258868><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3258908><P Class=ENCC> Everything goes through that point,<br>- the point of the performance... <SYNC Start=3261840><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3261880><P Class=ENCC> 'But his plans were a bit confusing.' <SYNC Start=3265468><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3265508><P Class=ENCC> Sorry, I'm lost. <SYNC Start=3267404><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3267444><P Class=ENCC> Which is my dotted line now? <SYNC Start=3269480><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3269520><P Class=ENCC> That one. No, you were this one.<br>Yeah, it is that one. <SYNC Start=3274092><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3274132><P Class=ENCC> 'Nevertheless, we wet the track<br>to make it more slippery <SYNC Start=3277276><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3277316><P Class=ENCC> 'and got to work.' <SYNC Start=3278996><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3279036><P Class=ENCC> Right, here we go. <SYNC Start=3284500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3284540><P Class=ENCC> 'Initially, things didn't go well.' <SYNC Start=3288432><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3288472><P Class=ENCC> This is just a lot of driving about. <SYNC Start=3292780><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3292820><P Class=ENCC> Why have you gone over there? Sorry. <SYNC Start=3297152><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3297192><P Class=ENCC> 'Then, thanks to my awful brakes,<br>they got worse.' <SYNC Start=3301152><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3301192><P Class=ENCC> I'm not stopping, I'm not stopping!-<br>MUFFLED THUMP <SYNC Start=3303528><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3303568><P Class=ENCC> Oh, damn it. <SYNC Start=3306556><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3306596><P Class=ENCC> 'Despite everything, though, the<br>next day we were ready to perform <SYNC Start=3309780><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3309820><P Class=ENCC> 'at one of the most<br>prestigious venues in the country...' <SYNC Start=3316712><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3316752><P Class=ENCC> In the wild, birds of prey... <SYNC Start=3318152><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3318192><P Class=ENCC> '..The Essex County Fair. <SYNC Start=3323108><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3323148><P Class=ENCC> 'Our cars had been given a new lick of paint, <SYNC Start=3325500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3325540><P Class=ENCC> 'and as zero hour approached, <SYNC Start=3327480><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3327520><P Class=ENCC> 'we were in our motor home<br>rehearsing our moves.' <SYNC Start=3331124><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3331164><P Class=ENCC> Go. Right, so... <SYNC Start=3333404><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3333444><P Class=ENCC> Turn, Turn, through. And I'm here. <SYNC Start=3335404><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3335444><P Class=ENCC> Handbrake. Back forwards. <SYNC Start=3337824><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3337864><P Class=ENCC> Face the other way by then. Through-<br>the gap. Round you. Handbrake. <SYNC Start=3341432><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3341472><P Class=ENCC> OK, ready? And then now... Cross, I go first. <SYNC Start=3344060><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3344100><P Class=ENCC> Over there. <SYNC Start=3347152><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3347192><P Class=ENCC> It's going to be magnificent. Right, let's do it. <SYNC Start=3353072><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3353112><P Class=ENCC> We're a bit like the Red Arrows. Pretty<br>much. It's quite an exciting moment. <SYNC Start=3360228><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3360268><P Class=ENCC> Ladies and gentlemen, introducing from TV's<br>Top Gear, The Dukes Of Harlow stunt driving team. <SYNC Start=3366308><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3366348><P Class=ENCC> 'The capacity crowd was beside itself. <SYNC Start=3369764><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3369804><P Class=ENCC> 'As the music signalled the start of<br>our routine, we entered the arena.' <SYNC Start=3373840><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3373880><P Class=ENCC> MUSIC: "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen <SYNC Start=3377340><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3377380><P Class=ENCC> We'd better deliver. Suddenly feel<br>this is quite a responsibility. <SYNC Start=3384152><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3384192><P Class=ENCC> Right, left, down... <SYNC Start=3386092><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3386132><P Class=ENCC> left, straight up. <SYNC Start=3389120><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3389160><P Class=ENCC> Must remember that crossover. <SYNC Start=3394148><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3394188><P Class=ENCC> Ready, steady, go. <SYNC Start=3399556><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3399596><P Class=ENCC> And turn, turn. <SYNC Start=3402980><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3403020><P Class=ENCC> Oh! <SYNC Start=3411544><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3411584><P Class=ENCC> Now, it is a shame we can't<br>show you the rest of that film, <SYNC Start=3414856><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3414896><P Class=ENCC> but we lost the tapes. Yes!<br>Can you believe it? LAUGHTER <SYNC Start=3418824><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3418864><P Class=ENCC> You left them on a bus. And then the dog<br>ate them. Yeah. Dog ate them. It is a rotten... <SYNC Start=3424228><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3424268><P Class=ENCC> It is a massive shame, because<br>therest of our routine was brilliant. <SYNC Start=3427868><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3427908><P Class=ENCC> It's just a tragedy you can't see it.<br>I do apologise. <SYNC Start=3431732><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3431772><P Class=ENCC> It does at least give us time to knock up a<br>scoreboard and see who bought the best car. <SYNC Start=3436508><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3436548><P Class=ENCC> Yes. In the nought to 100 and<br>then nought again test, <SYNC Start=3441432><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3441472><P Class=ENCC> James set the benchmark,<br>so he gets zero. <SYNC Start=3443668><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3443708><P Class=ENCC> I got minus 281 and, Hammond,<br>you got minus 1,000. <SYNC Start=3448168><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3448208><P Class=ENCC> I didn't even take part.<br>That's why you get minus 1,000. <SYNC Start=3452500><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3452540><P Class=ENCC> Now, forensics, you get ten points off for every<br>disgusting thing that was found in your car. <SYNC Start=3456668><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3456708><P Class=ENCC> Mine was crisps, leaves and bits of- my own skin,<br>so that's not really disgusting at all, so nought. <SYNC Start=3461620><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3461660><P Class=ENCC> James, you were mucus, scabs and saliva. <SYNC Start=3466184><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3466224><P Class=ENCC> You're minus 30. <SYNC Start=3468668><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3468708><P Class=ENCC> Hammond, you, let's get this straight,<br>you were saliva, blood... <SYNC Start=3472508><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3472548><P Class=ENCC> But there was no mucus in mine! mucus,<br>but there was pubic hair... <SYNC Start=3475216><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3475256><P Class=ENCC> Yeah, yeah. ..so minus 30 and then poo. <SYNC Start=3477964><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3478004><P Class=ENCC> Yeah. That's 1,000... <SYNC Start=3479980><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3480020><P Class=ENCC> Why do I get minus 1,000 for poo?<br>Because poo's really disgusting! <SYNC Start=3485196><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3485236><P Class=ENCC> Of course you're going to<br>get minus 1,000 for that. <SYNC Start=3487576><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3487616><P Class=ENCC> We don't make the rules. The thief test.<br>Jeremy... JEREMY MOUTHS: We do! <SYNC Start=3491936><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3491976><P Class=ENCC> Your car wasn't stolen so you<br>get nought. Yeah. <SYNC Start=3495216><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3495256><P Class=ENCC> My car wasn't, so I get nought. <SYNC Start=3498044><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3498084><P Class=ENCC> Hammond, your car was stolen. Yes?<br>And you get minus 1,000. <SYNC Start=3503028><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3503068><P Class=ENCC> Do I?LAUGHTER <SYNC Start=3504948><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3504988><P Class=ENCC> How do you get to that?<br>It just is, it's scientific, this. Lap times. <SYNC Start=3508808><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3508848><P Class=ENCC> You didn't get minus 1,000 for that. <SYNC Start=3510372><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3510412><P Class=ENCC> They're there. The gas test. <SYNC Start=3512980><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3513020><P Class=ENCC> Let's get this straight. No gas escaped<br>from my car so I get nought. <SYNC Start=3517044><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3517084><P Class=ENCC> No gas escaped from your car,<br>James, so that's nought. <SYNC Start=3520508><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3520548><P Class=ENCC> All of the gas escaped from<br>yours so that's minus... <SYNC Start=3523352><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3523392><P Class=ENCC> Let me guess. Yes, you're right,<br>it's minus 1,000. Is it? <SYNC Start=3527948><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3527988><P Class=ENCC> Is it really? Yes, it is. The restoration<br>test, here you lose a point <SYNC Start=3531788><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3531828><P Class=ENCC> for every pound it would take to get<br>your car back to showroom condition. <SYNC Start=3535276><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3535316><P Class=ENCC> Now, I, as you would expect,<br>did best at this, <SYNC Start=3538464><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3538504><P Class=ENCC> so I'm minus 5,500 points. <SYNC Start=3542528><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3542568><P Class=ENCC> It's like being on QI, this. <SYNC Start=3544780><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3544820><P Class=ENCC> Hammond, you are minus 7,500 points. <SYNC Start=3549868><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3549908><P Class=ENCC> And Jeremy Clarkson... Mmm-hmm. <SYNC Start=3551836><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3551876><P Class=ENCC> ..you are minus 11,000. <SYNC Start=3556760><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3556800><P Class=ENCC> Ah! I might beat...<br>Well, not him but you, anyway. <SYNC Start=3559228><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3559268><P Class=ENCC> What have you got, James?<br>I've won, obviously. That's a given. <SYNC Start=3562400><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3562440><P Class=ENCC> You are... <SYNC Start=3564120><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3564160><P Class=ENCC> minus 11,293.1. <SYNC Start=3572184><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3572224><P Class=ENCC> Minus 11,293.1. Yes. <SYNC Start=3575900><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3575940><P Class=ENCC> So, Hammond, this is tense. Minus 11,000... <SYNC Start=3579028><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3579068><P Class=ENCC> Still hope, though. I can still do it. Oooh! <SYNC Start=3581684><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3581724><P Class=ENCC> 549... Yes! <SYNC Start=3582992><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3583032><P Class=ENCC> APPLAUSE <SYNC Start=3586808><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3586848><P Class=ENCC> I mean, well done, James. <SYNC Start=3588104><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3588144><P Class=ENCC> But, really, two conclusions<br>we can draw from this. <SYNC Start=3592352><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3592392><P Class=ENCC> One, all identical cars aren't<br>necessarily identical. <SYNC Start=3597228><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3597268><P Class=ENCC> Some of them do have<br>pubic hairs in them and poo. <SYNC Start=3600588><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3600628><P Class=ENCC> And two, Richard Hammond, who buys<br>more used cars than any man alive, <SYNC Start=3605400><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3605440><P Class=ENCC> is useless at buying used cars. <SYNC Start=3608524><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp <SYNC Start=3608564><P Class=ENCC> I am. On that bombshell, it's time to end.<br>I am. On that bombshell, it's time to end. <SYNC Start=3610728><P Class=ENCC>&nbsp </BODY> </SAMI>